Michael Morrow's Editing Internship

 Ticks Are Spreading Rapidly The tick population is growing at a rapid rate due to the expansion of wooded areas and the increase of mice and deer. These ticks can carry diseases from their original location along with pathogens from their new locations spreading several types of diseases to different regions. ***I changed "different" to "several" to give a more descriptive adjective and to leave the basic vocabulary.; These ticks can carry diseases from their original location along with pathogens from their new locations spreading different types of diseases to different regions. The Powassan virus is a rare virus that can be passed in just 15 minutes and can lead to permanent brain damage or even death. ***Remember that if an illness if after a person or place, it should be capitalized. The virus is named after the town of Powassan, Ontario, Canada. So, I corrected that. I omitted "and dangerous" because it wasn't really necessary to the main point....

 C.T.E. in 110 N.F.L. Players ***I rewrote the sentence to add simplicity and clarity while being brief.; NFL Brain Damage All but One Out of 111 Neuropathologist, Dr. Ann McKeechronic, studied the brains of 202 football players. 111 of them being NFL athletes and 110 of them having chronic traumatic encephalopathy. Chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or C.T.E, is caused by repetitive impacts to the head causing symptoms that can continue even after the impacts have stopped. ***I removed "Chronic traumatic encephalopathy or C.T.E" from the sentence below and added it here. It was more fitting to introduce the disease in the second sentence instead of the third.; This disease is caused by repetitive impacts to the head causing many symptoms that can continue even after the impacts have stopped. The brain disease can only be diagnosed after death, so to prevent this earlier, Jeff Miller, the N.F.L.’s senior vice president for health and safety, is trying to promote a safer versio...

 Tattoo-like Sensor Developed by Scientists ***The original sentence seemed like it was taken from the middle of a sentence. It seemed awkward. So, I tried to liven it up some.; Scientists Developed Wearable Sensor Tattoo Scientists have developed a new body sensor that has the ability to monitor body temperature and muscle activity. ***I rewrote the sentence using your words. I made your ending the beginning and made the beginning the end. This way the sentence is more understandable to the reader.; Monitoring body temperature and muscle activity, there is a new sensory developed by scientists. This new sensor is very thin and people cannot even feel the existence of the devices on the skin, according to Professor Takao Someya of the University of Tokyo. ***In this sentence, I wanted to add a quote from one of the people who helped develop it to add credit.; This new sensor is very thin and feels like nothing after being applied. The current sensors irritate the skin causing redne...

Long Time Diver Barely Escapes Cave Alive Xisco Gràcia and his partner, Guillem Mascaró, went to explore Sa Piqueta, a cave in Mallorca. ***I added the commas to add the appositive.; Xisco Gràcia and his partner Guillem Mascaró went to explore Sa Piqueta, a cave in Mallorca. After losing their guideline to the entrance, silt blurring their vision, and air slowly running out, the divers were in grave danger. ***In this sentence, I decided to give it a storytelling mood. If it is available, it would be very good to have a quote from the divers after this sentence. A quote on how they felt or what was going through their mind.; Losing their guideline back to the entrance, blurring their vision with silt, and slowly running out of air, the divers were in grave danger. They decided for Guillem Mascaró to go find help as fast as he could and come back to save Xisco Gràcia. Gràcia spent hours in an air pocket, that contained a dangerously high amount of carbon dioxide, contemplating his life ...

 Couple Found in Glacier After Years of Searching 75 years ago, Marcelin and Francine Dumoulin disappeared in the Alps in August 1942 leaving their seven children to be separated into different families. ***To have the main piece of the sentence to flow easily without pause, I moved the phrase "for 75 years" to the beginning of the sentence. Also, any number nine or lower is to be spelled out. Normally, numbers 10 and up are represented by their numerical symbol unless it is a percent.; Marcelin and Francine Dumoulin disappeared, for 75 years, in the Alps in August 1942 leaving their 7 children to be separated into different families. Encased in a glacier, the couple was found with their shoes, backpacks, tin bowls and a glass bottle by a worker from a ski lift company. ***I think this is a good sentence to mention that the couple was inside of a glacier seeing that it was not brought up in the passage besides the title.; The couple was found with their shoes, backpacks, tin ...

 Get Out of Your Parent's Basement Young adults are unable to find decent living spaces. Most living spaces are limited and very expensive for kids who are in debt after college. ***I just removed "tons of" because it's not really needed. Normally a heavy amount is already implied when it comes to college debt.; Most living spaces are limited and very expensive for kids who are in tons of debt after college. However, Ravi Naik has created a company called Katerra, where he is the Senior Vice President for Technology. ***I think it would be helpful if we know what Ravi does too, to make the statement stronger.; However, Ravi Naik has created a company called Katerra. Katerra's purpose is to create buildings and spaces quickly and efficiently. Naik said that "Katerra finished the construction of an entire first floor of a multi-unit residential building in just six hours" ***Whenever you want to quote someone, be sure to use quotes. And I decided to use to...