C.T.E. in 110 N.F.L. Players
C.T.E. in 110 N.F.L. Players
***I rewrote the sentence to add simplicity and clarity while being brief.; NFL Brain Damage All but One Out of 111Neuropathologist, Dr. Ann McKeechronic, studied the brains of 202 football players. 111 of them being NFL athletes and 110 of them having chronic traumatic encephalopathy.
Chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or C.T.E, is caused by repetitive impacts to the head causing symptoms that can continue even after the impacts have stopped.
***I removed "Chronic traumatic encephalopathy or C.T.E" from the sentence below and added it here. It was more fitting to introduce the disease in the second sentence instead of the third.; This disease is caused by repetitive impacts to the head causing many symptoms that can continue even after the impacts have stopped.
The brain disease can only be diagnosed after death, so to prevent this earlier, Jeff Miller, the N.F.L.’s senior vice president for health and safety, is trying to promote a safer version of the sport called flag football.
***As I said before, I removed the "Chronic traumatic encephalopathy or C.T.E" part of this sentence to put in another sentence. In its place, I will put in "The brain disease." I think it would beneficial if you said who this top official was. I know it doesn't name the individual in the article, however it does have a link to another that does have his name.Therefore, so we know who it is, I added the name and position of this official. I reworded the ending of the sentence as well.; Chronic traumatic encephalopathy or C.T.E can only be diagnosed after death, so to prevent this earlier, N.F.L.’s top health and safety official are trying to promote a safer version of this sport, such as flag football.
The linemen, more than any other position, take the most number of blows. On average, the linemen are hit 62 times in one game and each one came with an average force on the player’s head equivalent to a car being driven into a brick wall at 30 m.p.h.
***So, I split this one sentence into two. The second sentence was the most confusing to read and revise of the two. I simplified the sentence to make it easier to read.; The linemen more than any other position take the most amount of blows, more specifically, an average of 62 times and Each one came with an average force on the player’s head equivalent to what you would see if he had driven his car into a brick wall at 30 m.p.h
Of 202 brains tested, 87 percent tested positive for C.T.E proving that football is a major problem in this sense.
***I added a comma at the beginning of the sentence as it is an introductory phrase.; Of 202 brains tested 87 percent tested positive for C.T.E proving that football is a major problem in this sense.
There are many things to still be discovered about C.T.E as the article asks a series of questions, "Who gets it, who doesn’t, and why? Can anything be done to stop the degeneration once it begins? How many blows to the head, and at what levels, must occur for C.T.E. to take hold?"
***I added a strong transition to help the sentence move along.; There are many things to still be discovered about C.T.E: "Who gets it, who doesn’t, and why? Can anything be done to stop the degeneration once it begins? How many blows to the head, and at what levels, must occur for C.T.E. to take hold?"
Source- https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/07/25/sports/football/nfl-cte.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=second-column-region®ion=top-news&WT.nav=top-news
Edited by Michael Morrow
C.T.E. in 110 N.F.L. Players
Neuropathologist, Dr. Ann McKeechronic, studied the brains of 202 football players. 111 of them being NFL athletes and 110 of them having chronic traumatic encephalopathy. Chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or C.T.E, is caused by repetitive impacts to the head causing symptoms that can continue even after the impacts have stopped. The brain disease can only be diagnosed after death, so to prevent this earlier, Jeff Miller, the N.F.L.’s senior vice president for health and safety, is trying to promote a safer version of the sport called flag football. The linemen, more than any other position, take the most number of blows. On average, the linemen are hit 62 times in one game and each one came with an average force on the player’s head equivalent to a car being driven into a brick wall at 30 m.p.h. Of 202 brains tested, 87 percent tested positive for C.T.E proving that football is a major problem in this sense. There are many things to still be discovered about C.T.E as the article asks a series of questions, "Who gets it, who doesn’t, and why? Can anything be done to stop the degeneration once it begins? How many blows to the head, and at what levels, must occur for C.T.E. to take hold?"
Source- https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/07/25/sports/football/nfl-cte.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=second-column-region®ion=top-news&WT.nav=top-news
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