Get Out of Your Parent's Basement

 Get Out of Your Parent's Basement


Young adults are unable to find decent living spaces.

Most living spaces are limited and very expensive for kids who are in debt after college.
***I just removed "tons of" because it's not really needed. Normally a heavy amount is already implied when it comes to college debt.; Most living spaces are limited and very expensive for kids who are in tons of debt after college.

However, Ravi Naik has created a company called Katerra, where he is the Senior Vice President for Technology.
***I think it would be helpful if we know what Ravi does too, to make the statement stronger.; However, Ravi Naik has created a company called Katerra.

Katerra's purpose is to create buildings and spaces quickly and efficiently.

Naik said that "Katerra finished the construction of an entire first floor of a multi-unit residential building in just six hours"
***Whenever you want to quote someone, be sure to use quotes. And I decided to use to original quote because it better fits the sentence than the paraphrased part.; Naik said that Katerra finished the construction of a first floor of a multi-unit building in six hours.

Katerra's revolutionary mission will change the construction business while helping young adults come out of their parents' homes and find a place of their own to call home.
***This sentence was confusing to read, silently and aloud. It seemed like it could have been written to be two sentences but I revised it to add clarity and to give an overall conclusion to the piece.; Katerra is revolutionary and it will change the construction business and help young adults come out of their parents'
basements and live in their own place.

Source:http://www.digitalistmag.com/digital-supply-networks/2017/09/29/builder-gets-young-adults-out-of-your-basement-05383588
Edited by Michael Morrow


Get Out of Your Parent's Basement

Young adults are unable to find decent living spaces. Most living spaces are limited and very expensive for kids who are in debt after college. However, Ravi Naik has created a company called Katerra, where he is the Senior Vice President for Technology. Katerra's purpose is to create buildings and spaces quickly and efficiently. Naik said that "Katerra finished the construction of an entire first floor of a multi-unit residential building in just six hours." Katerra's revolutionary mission will change the construction business while helping young adults come out of their parents' homes and find a place of their own to call home.

Source:http://www.digitalistmag.com/digital-supply-networks/2017/09/29/builder-gets-young-adults-out-of-your-basement-05383588

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CTE in Football

 CTE in Football ***The title needs something more descriptive than "Football Disease." It doesn't tell the reader anything about what the passage is about. In fact, football disease could mean anything. That's why it is important to be specific and detailed. The new title "CTE in Football" gives a different light to the passage. The reader now knows what the passage will be talking about.; Football Disease Football is a very dangerous sport that involves with uncountable injuries. However, one serious injury can cause brain cell damage and death: Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, or CTE, a degenerative brain disease that affects the brain over time. ***I decided to combine these two sentences since they are both short and simple. The first sentence remained to same then a colon was added to reveal what this injury is and what it does.; However, one serious injury can cause brain cell damage and death. Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy(CTE) is a degenerative ...
Read more

Engineering with Replicas to Save Dams

 Engineering with Replicas to Save Dams Michael Johnson, Utah State University hydraulics engineering professor, and other engineers created the Oroville Dam replica. ***Originally, I put "Michael Johnson" is enclosed in commas but didn't like the way it was shown. Normally in work like this, the person's name is first and their title is in commas.; Utah State University hydraulics engineering professor Michael Johnson and other engineers created the Oroville Dam replica Michael Johnson created this dam replica to examine one of two channels that run the width of the spillway to allow air into the water to prevent bubble formations that can damage the concrete spillway of the real dam. These new channels, called aerators, cost $300 million to reconstruct and will be applied by November when the winter rains and snow come to increase the water's volume in the dam. ***I just made a small change at the end. I switched the words around and removed some while keeping t...
Read more