Michael Morrow's Editing Internship

 Engineering with Replicas to Save Dams Michael Johnson, Utah State University hydraulics engineering professor, and other engineers created the Oroville Dam replica. ***Originally, I put "Michael Johnson" is enclosed in commas but didn't like the way it was shown. Normally in work like this, the person's name is first and their title is in commas.; Utah State University hydraulics engineering professor Michael Johnson and other engineers created the Oroville Dam replica Michael Johnson created this dam replica to examine one of two channels that run the width of the spillway to allow air into the water to prevent bubble formations that can damage the concrete spillway of the real dam. These new channels, called aerators, cost $300 million to reconstruct and will be applied by November when the winter rains and snow come to increase the water's volume in the dam. ***I just made a small change at the end. I switched the words around and removed some while keeping t...

 The Health Ranger Takes on the EPA The ever-vigilant, health conscious Mike Adams, AKA the Health Ranger, has announced that he will single-handedly assure that the U.S.'s water supply will be tested for its contaminants. ***I changed "pronounced" to "announced." "Pronounce" didn't fit with what you are trying to say; it means distinct or noticeable. I am sure "announce" will get the job done.; The ever-vigilant, health conscious Mike Adams, AKA the Health Ranger, has pronounced that he will single-handedly assure that the U.S.'s water supply will be tested for its contaminants. Adams and his team have processed over six hundred water samples in the last year and in 2017, an additional 364 which have tested positive for heavy metals. ***I think it would be beneficial if you acknowledge who his team associates are. Are they a team of scientists? I omitted the first comma because it was not needed.; Adams and his associates have proces...

 Russia Threatens to Target American Jets ***As straightforward as the title is, it's missing some specificity. It's just as simple as adding one word to fix it. I recommend mentioning the which country own's the jets. Who knows, a reader may mistake this title as saying that Russia is targeting the New York Jets.; Russia Threatens to Target Jets Russia has threatened that any target operating above the Russian and Syrian airspace. ***I changed one word in this sentence "territory." The word "airspace" is the more correct term to use when talking about this situation. Territory seems like more of a grounded word.; Russia has threatened that any target operating above the Russian and Syrian territory. The Syrian Democratic Forces, or SDF, and American warplanes launched an attack to retake a town called Ja'Din. ***I switched words around in the beginning of the sentence. It is better to introduce the whole name first, then follow it with the nickname ...

Amazon leads Whole Foods into the on-demand grocery system *** I think this title could be shorter and simpler. Readers don't want to see an eye full of a title. You should use rhetoric to catch the readers attention without overdoing it. ; Amazon buying Whole Foods to help make an easier on-demand grocery system Amazon announced the second generation of its Dash Wand, an Alexa-enabled home barcode scanner that can add your grocery items to your AmazonFresh cart. The company's way to improve the Dash Wand was by announcing their $13.7 billion deal to buy the Whole Foods Grocery chain, which includes 461 stores across the US, Canada, and the UK. ***I replaced "the way" with "the company's" because even though we know you're talking about Amazon, it is better to address the company while not trying to use words like "their."; The way to improve their Dash Wand was by announcing their $13.7 billion deal to buy Whole Foods Grocery chain, which ...

 An Egg a Day Keeps you Big in Many A Way ***The title should be more enticing for the audience that you are trying to attract. And always capitalize each word, that is not a article or conjunction, in the title. Compared to the original title, the new, revised title does more for the summary. It mentions the main topic, the egg, and it says something about what the egg can do. Yes, the orginal title did that as well, however, when the reader sees the original, they may skip over. But when the new title is seen, it will attract their attention and almost force them to read what you have to say. So, here is a newer version of your title, "An Egg a Day Keeps you Big in Many A Way."; An egg a day, makes you taller and larger According to Gaston, from "Beauty and the Beast", as a child, he ate four dozen eggs every morning to get large. ***It would be beneficial to use "According to" at the beginning of the sentence to give the sentence more sophistication. By...

 United Nations Project World Population to be 9.8B by 2050 ***The original title did not do much for the passage. It doesn't look enticing to read. Readers would skip over this article just because of the title. Remember, the titles have to be a summary of your work and a clear summary of the topic. A strong passage like this one needs a strong title. I think this new title does the passage justice.; World Pop: 9.8B by 2050''' By July of 2017, the world's approximate population will be over 7.5 billion, however by 2050, the population is expected to be at 9.8 billion. ***I shrunk and simplified this sentence. Instead of saying "mid year", you can be direct and say the month. And I omitted those zeros. The correct way to talk about millions/billions is to have the numerical value then the word "million" or "billion" behind it.; By the mid year of 2017 on July 2nd, the world's approximate population will be over 7,500,000,00, but by ...

 '''Editor Michael Morrow: I could not combine the facts into JUST 4 Fact Sentences, there was too much info. Please allow for one extra fact sentence this time. Thank you.''' Rivers Legally Receiving "Personhood"  (TS)In the fight against water pollution, New Zealand, Ecuador and India are substantially leaping ahead to save their rivers. (FS1) Although not the same rights as humans, these countries assigned legal aspects to the rivers, similar to what corporations have, for the nations and overseers to legally sue any entity, person, corporation, and/or nation who pollute the rivers. ***I thought it would be better to omit "have." It flows better. I think this sentence can be reworded and reorganized. I feel like it is saying so much but I can't tell what it said. You may have to break this into two sentences.; Although not the same rights as humans have, these countries assigned legal aspects to the rivers, similar to that corporations...

 Netflix Dominates Cable by Millions ***Titles are always the first words that readers see, so try to make it as attractive as you can. This means using flashy, yet not overcomplicating diction.; Netflix Crushes Cable by Millions In the competition of whether customers like expensive prechosen programs, or cheap choose-it -yourself entertainment, Netflix is quickly becoming the champion. ***I changed a few words in the sentence like at the beginning. It is more of a competition between the two entities rather than a challenge. Because they're both competing to be the dominant entertainment brand. I changed "customer" to "customers" because if you're speaking about a group of people, it is better to address them in plural form. Address it as if you are talking about those millions of people instead of one person.; In the challenge of whether a customer likes expensive prechosen programs, or cheap choose-it -yourself entertainment, Netflix is quickly becoming ...